Good Sunday morning.
I've had some version of this phone call a lot lately. It goes like this.
"Tom, our daughter and her husband want to buy a place. They both work. They've saved a little. And every time they look at what things cost, they come home deflated. Can we help them? Should we help them? How do we even start?"
If that's you, first, you're a good parent. Second, you're not alone. This is one of the most common questions I hear right now, and it's a lot more emotional than it is financial.
So let me tell you how I'd walk through it, kitchen-table style.
Start with the kids, not the money. What do they actually want? A starter place they'll outgrow, or somewhere to put down roots? How long do they plan to stay? Are they on the same page with each other? You'd be amazed how often the parents want it more than the kids do.
Then talk plainly about what "help" means. Helping can look a lot of different ways. Some families give money outright. Some lend it. Some put their own name on the loan. Each one has consequences for your taxes, your own borrowing, your retirement and, let's be real, Thanksgiving dinner for the next ten years. None of them is wrong. All of them deserve a real conversation before anybody signs anything.
Here's the part nobody likes to hear. When your name goes on someone else's debt, it's your debt too. I've watched that go beautifully and I've watched it go sideways. The difference was almost never the house. It was whether everybody talked about the what-ifs first. What if they split up? What if one of them loses a job? What if you need that money back?
None of this is meant to scare you off. Helping your kids get a home might be one of the best things you ever do with your money. I just want you to do it with your eyes open.
And one more thing. Your kids can call me directly. I'm happy to sit down with them, no parents in the room, and walk them through where they actually stand. Sometimes they hear it better from somebody who isn't Mom or Dad.
Yours to count on,
Tom
Tom Griffith · Loan Strategist
541.915.1200 · [email protected]
Let's talk.
Whatever you're sorting out (buying, selling, helping your kids or your parents, or just trying to make sense of this market), I'd love to hear from you, even if it's the weekend. Just reply to this email, because I read every one. Call or text me at 541-915-1200. Or grab a time below and we'll jump on a call together.
P.S. Almost every Sunday somebody hits reply, and half the time we end up talking about life, not loans. Kids, parents, health, the whole works. That's my favorite part of doing this. You don't need a reason to write. Just say hi.